So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
