Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
