I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
