My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
