He uses pillows to masturbate.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
the night ended with taco bell and tears
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
