Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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