I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize