found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
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