I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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