PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
