There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
