i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
