No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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