Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
