Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
