Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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