He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
