After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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