you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
