exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
