okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
