what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
