So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
