yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Sober January is a disaster.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
