just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
