I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
