god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
