this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
