mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
