Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
