how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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