Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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