all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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