My friends, they love my intelligence
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
