i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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