Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
