bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
