they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize