My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
