Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
