I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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