Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
