i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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