Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
