Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
