Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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