So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
