It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
