my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
