I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize