What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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