i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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