420 ftw
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
