i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
