Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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