evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
