didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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