i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
