i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
