Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
