every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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