she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
