My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
