his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
