Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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