i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The Olympian is in my bed
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
