This dress was meant to end up on your floor
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
