Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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