i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
