you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
