P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
