I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
