no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
