What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
