Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
