I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
