Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
