what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
