I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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