the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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