You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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