thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
